Burton has paired with Playboy (yeah, what’d that cost?) for their Love boards this year, plastering each size with different naked laidiez. Fine, whatevs. I have nekked 70′s era Playgirl men in hidden pockets of my wallet, care of my friend Brandy. But Burton has just been getting well, self-consciously older, resembling dads who use the hip and fresh lingo, yo my brother? Mostly, I’m offended by this writing. Not because it’s sexual, but because it’s easy let’s-sell-this-to-14yr-olds-in-the-burbs crap:
“Hi. My name is Love™ and I’m on the market for someone who’s looking to score serious action, no matter where they like to stick it. I enjoy laps through the park; long, hard grinds on my meaty Park Edges followed by a good, hot waxing. Whether you’re hitting it from the front or the back, my mid wide shape, supple flex, and twin tips like it kinky. Keegan and Mikkel love riding me, I hope you will too.”
Burton, you’re better than that. You could be a classy role model. You’ve outlasted so many others. C’mon. Playboy is at least known for good writing. I think I have your new tagline for you.
Burton was the big one back when I first starting snowboarding, in the 3rd or 4th grade. (91-92ish, I’m kind of a baby but there weren’t many girlies riding in Telluride then, Melissa and Shawnee (and Aimee?) were the other boarders in the mandatory twice a week ski P.E. classes.) This season I’m ready to head up again, having missed all of last year due to my broken leg.
I think the old school Playboy images are kinda cute–especially the jockey girl on the 152–but Burton hon, you could have gone retro with the copywriting, too, and really done it up right. Look at these pin-ups, not a one of them is from after 1985, if even. It’s not that much more effort to match the writing style. No wonder Vail banned your boards for their employees, it’s sloppy.
Also, when you TradeMark the shit out of everything in your tech section, I can’t tell what you’re selling anymore:
+Dual Density Triax™ Response
+Dualzone™ EGD™
+Infinite Ride™
+Park Fly II™ Core
+Pro-Tip™
+Rail Ready™ Tune
I know the names have to be highly unique in order to claim a TM, but why not just tell us what you make and have been making forever? Just own it: “Burton: We’re older than you are.” We all know your age already, and wisdom and experience are hot. Stop wearing a backwards trucker hat and let your sexy gray hair show.